It seems as though no matter what something is happening, something that cost a lot of money and something that always sets us back financially. I don't understand when things got so expensive but it's so hard to try to get it together. When I was younger I thought I had it all figured out, I wasn't going to get married and I def. wasn't going to have kids. Yea that all changed when I met my Lemon, but since I found out that we were having Ali, I was going to not let her be raised the way I was. I'm not saying I was raised wrong in anyway, I wasn't spoiled and we learned to appreciate the things we had. I mean in the sense that I didn't want and still don't want her to worry about us having money to buy things. Sure she has way more than I ever did when I was her age, but it seems like she doesn't have what she needs.
It's the sweetest thing when she says that she can help pay for something with the bit of change she has in her piggy bank. Just her offering makes me smile, but I don't want her to have to feel as though she has to offer. I know she doesn't get it completly but it breaks my heart when she thinks we can't provide for her. I'm so disappointed in myself when I hear her ask if we're going to have to return her winter coat, because we need the money. How do other people do it? I don't understand, what am I doing so wrong? It seems aa though no matter how much money Lemon makes on a check it doesn't stretch out far enough, forget about trying to save how the hell can we save when theres no extra money? ANYWHERE!!!! It doesn't make sense. I though being back in the states things would get easier but it hasn't it seems as though things have gotten worse, way worse!!!! I'm hoping that with the new job that things will start to look up and we can have a little extra money to put aside for emergencies. This sounds crazy but it seems as though we always seem to need an emergency fund at the worst times. Not to mention we never have one.
In my finace class I jut took they talked about having 3 months of pay saved up just in case something were to happen. Seems like there's always something happening that always puts us behind. I'm embarrassed and dissapointed in myself as a parent. How and why are we so irresponsible, this is the kind of immature attitude I need to get rid of, I hate myself right now! Maybe my depression doesn't stem from something simple anymore maybe it stems from me feeling like a failure when it comes to parenting. Who am I to past judgement on other parents? I can't control my temper and I clearly can't be responsible enough to provide for her either.
On a whole other note, I hate my dog....I know dog lovers that are reading this are probably thinking what a biotch I am and have no heart. I HATE this dog, she was fine until she started destroying property that isn't mine. A few months ago she dug a hole in my backyard right next to my house, this hole exposed the bottom foundation of the house and she continued to eat the house. She chews on the rocks that are a part of the landscape back there and now she has dug through that landscape to expose more house and destry that as well. This dog doesn't stop at anything, we have outlet covers that come on the house when the house was built for the outside, tell me why this retard thinks its okay to eat that. Most peaple would be okay with this....I am not most people. I'm not an animal lover! I think some people are cut out to be pet owners I prefer the kinds of pets that hang out in their cages and stay there and destroy their own property. It may seem as though I am exaggerating this situation, but this dog is costing me nothing but money, money I don't have. What are we going to do when we move out of this house?? Buy the AF a new one? I don't think Logan takes me very serious when I say I want her gone but I am and I do! I have absolutely no compassion or love for this dog, if she disappered it would be a dream come true. She chewed on our AC unit and made it not work in the summer. Some people would say we need to spend more time with her, or its just a phase, well guess what? I don't care I want her gone, and I don't care who takes her. I'm so pissed we've invested any money in this dog because she destroys everything.
"what happened to me wanting a dog?" I thought the dog was going to be normal, not chew on rocks for fun and eat a house that isn't mine. I might as well let rats in my house. It was my idea to get the damn dog because I wanted to come to a happy medium with my husband, his dog died so I felt guilty. I no longer feel guilty. He doesn't have time for the dog, and I don't care to give the dog my time. So since I probably offended some of you dog lovers, I apologize but I don't have the patience to deal with a dog, I don't view pets as my children, because they are animals.
So I guess this concludes my vent for the month, I posted some pictures below to show you how bad the damage is on this house. until next time followers < 3
I used to have bushes now they are branches chewed up by Nala
This is the 1st hole she dug and then she decided it wasn't big enough so she decided to go big or go home.
Why are you apologizing got expressing your opinion? If it offends anyone then they have the choice to stop reading, si? Deb I have no doubts that you are an amazing parent and your daughter looks up to you. Everyone goes through a rough patch in their lives, but just remember you will always have friends, family, and a husband that will always be there for you. I think that you are worrying so much about failing at and being a good parent that you don't realize how successful you have already been as one. I know a lot of things are easier said then done but try to look at three positive of all you have already done. Bad things always have bad timing but the only thing you can do is take them one at a time a say, "we will get through this" and remember you always have ppl there for you to go for advice or even just vent. There are lots of ppl out there that love you for being you. Don't forget that :)
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