Not made for Sensitive eyes!!

Most of you who are reading this will either get highly offended or understand that I am getting close to my breaking point. So be advised that what you are about to read isn't intended to hurt anyones feelings or to start some kind of dramatic scene.

So here we go, I've been blogging about how frustrated I've been with Ali, being a stay at home mom isn't my forte, at least I haven't found that healthy balance on how to be a stay at home mom & not want to rip my own hair out by the end of the day. Sometimes it doesn't even take till the end of the day, what I'm trying to say is I think its a lose lose situation for me & Ali for me to be home with her all the time. Logan says I argue with her, that may be true but I wasn't taught on how to be a mother, let alone how to hide my feelings. Hell I'm so frustrated right now I'm on the verge of tears. I feel like if I'm working, I always have to find a way to get her a sitter, and I'm in charge of the payment, and figuring out who to watch her if the sitter isn't available.

So what did I decide? To not work but it seems like when I'm not working we're short on money, and when I am working we're still short on money. I thought we had this mutual agreement to never fight about money because it doesn't matter. I grew up poor and so did Logan, so why does it seem now that we're older like money matters? Yea I know it matters to an extent, our bills get paid and we're not behind on anything so why is it that $500 isn't enough money to last us 2 weeks. Why do I always seem to get something thrown back in my face for what I bought. THIS IS WHY I DON'T SHOP!!!! When are we going to start doing things for ourselves? Not once have we ever tried to plan a trip for just us, why cuz we're always helping someone else out which is fine & we don't mind doing but it seems like we never do anything for us. Why are we the ones that have to save money to go visit family? Why can't they come here? They say that we make more than they do but yet, they're always in Vegas or visiting each-other. Like what the hell?!

I know this is a stupid rant and right now I really don't care. I guess what I'm trying to say is my feelings are a little hurt, before my mom got sick she went to England with my little brother to see my sister.Not once did my family come visit me, but yet they took trips to Rome and Vegas and everywhere else it seems like. I know it seems petty to everyone reading this but when we visit we make it a point to see everyone as long as we have the time, hell we're already thinking about going home to visit. I think I've said this before but it just doesn't seem like we mean as much to everyone as much as they mean to us. I have been so stressed out and it seems like there is no one I can rely on to talk to about any of this. They'll just tell me what I want to hear to shut me up. I've been getting mad at the dumbest things when I shouldn't care at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel left out by everyone. I know everyone has their own things going on but it seems like everyone else is always together or keeping in touch & i'm just out here on my own. I guess it makes sense though, no one wants to come hang out with a boring old married couple.

So enough of my rant, let me tell you what else has been going on! The last post I put up was the last night of my insomnia! It was amazing I lied down and didn't get up until 9am the next day it felt amazing, maybe it was because I was able to vent about my lack of sleep among other things. So last week started my 2nd time doing my Science class, since I was dropped from it last "semester" And I feel like I am ROCKIN' this course! It is the only second week and I have seven weeks to go but I'm one step closer or should I say one class closer to my degree. I can't wait I know it's going to take a while and it's not going to be easy but I really can't wait : ) As for my broke ass phone, they sent me a refurbished one & that one didn't work so they sent me another one & surprise surprise this one doesn't work, so while I am on the phone with Tech Support the guy can tell I'm frustrated & I simply ask him what I need to do about getting a different ( didn't care if it was cheaper) phone.i'm tired of the "smartphones" they aren't so smart! All they do is break on their own because of the software, so I reverted back to a stupid little cheap phone. The tech support guy decided to tell me I was making a "poor decision" in cancelling my phone line just because my Droid didn't work and that I would be wasting money in doing so. Bad idea guy who doesn't know me or my situation!!!!!! Who the hell is he to give me his dumb opinion anyway! When Logan got his phone my blackberry took a crap so he added a line and used the upgrade from that line to get me the Droid, well we're paying almost and sometimes $200 a month for these 3 lines. So since my phone keeps breaking and its only 150 to cancel this line I decided to do that, now we only have 2 lines one is a smart phone , the other isn't so our phone bill shouldn't be as much anymore. So for this guy to say I was making a poor decision really pissed me off, so I went off on him. So now I have a broken Droid I have to send back or they will charge me full retail price and another broken droid that I don't know what to do with it. i did go on Ebay and win a Blackberry Tour though! I had one before but I traded my sister and I really never should have because I really liked it. So now hopefully this chick will send out my "new" phone. I won it for $86!! I was so excited : D  I have also decided that I am going to cut & dye my hair soon, well as soon as I can find someone who I will let do it. Oh yea & i was taking pictures to sell some stuff on the yardsale site and Ali dropped my camera on the floor ( this is about the 4th time this has happened) So I found a new one on sale @ the BX. Even though I have been spending money I thinking I have been doing it wisely, I'm doing things the cheaper way. I was so mad yesterday I was about to go to AT& T and just get my own phone line under my name, but I stepped back & took a breather, and spent way less than I would have doing that. I'm pretty proud of myself, I know what Logan is going to say is that I could have saved a lot of money by not spending any but I did good considering. Plus I'm getting lucky & selling a few things of mine that are just sitting around. Now if I can only get my lazy butt to the gym I would feel a little bit better. until next time ....